writing

Chart / January

NEWSFLASH: I’m back.

It’s been a while since I did one of these….September, in fact. The reasons are myriad: I relocated to Athens, Pacific State needed a promotin’ (number #1 for cyberpunk in the USA last week!), and I have a few projects keeping me busy. Two days ago I wrote the last line of a neo-Western thriller I’ve been working on for a year. Perfect timing, because from mid-February I’ll be in residence at JOYA: AiR, a not-for-profit, carbon-positive arts residency supporting artistic projects “at the intersection between creativity and the environment”. My residency will last for three weeks, during which I hope to sketch out the structure for a new masculinity and climate-focused novel and write the first chapter.

Book of the month: Hyperion by Dan Simmons. I’d been aware of this book for many years, but I’d never actually paid it much attention beyond the gnarly cover art. For some reason, I’d assumed it was written in the 1960s. WRONG. It’s a mashup of Conrad, Gibson and Homer. And it’s fantastic. Not since the Three-Body Problem have I read science fiction so rich, with 10+ fully fleshed characters all with their own incredibly well-constructed stories. The world-building is flawless, the language varied and the dissection of religion compelling.

Film of the month:

In November Criterion put up a selection of ‘end of the world’ films, with some of the usual suspects including Mad Max, Threads and Escape From New York. I’m still working my way through the titles I’ve never heard of. Two I did watch were Dead End Drive-In and Night Of The Comet. Both distinctly B-movie, both rough around the edges, both with dodgy pacing, paper-thin characters and editing choices (Night has a pivotal scene where most of the world is turned into red dust by a comet passing overhead…all we see of this catastrophe is one woman closing her eyes and uttering a bored ‘oh’). The saving grace: the sets, costume design and cinematography (particular for Drive-In). Wow. Neon-soaked cities, orange horizons, bloodied skies. It more than makes up for dialogue like “Yeaaaah my name’s Crabsy, because people thought I had crabs, But I don’t”. That’s the protagonist saying it. Our hero. The guy we want to believe in.

Buena Vista Music Club:

1 The Beaches - Blame Brett

2 Phoebe Bridgers - Scott Street

3 sign crushes motorist - theres this girl

4 Pinegrove - Need 2

5 flyingfish - wonder if u care

6 Soap&Skin - Me and the Devil

My Favorite Bit with Mary Robinette Kowal + Pacific State reviews

Pacific State, my second novel in the Sundown Cycle, is up and running, and it seems to be quite the hit among reviewers both of the print persuasian and the garden variety. Foreword Magazine was effusive in its praise and rating (5/5), stating:

the book excels at worldbuilding, dropping evocative hints at the full scope of its dystopia. It’s peppered with slang references to foodstuffs, new technology, and organized crime that pique interest in its wider world. It mixes oracular pronouncements with striking descriptions in prose that is stylish and sometimes beautiful, as when a building is described as having a “dreadnought silhouette” that creates “a negative space in an overcast sky,” or with notes about “sodium-lit streets” and a “spit-shined moon hung up on display.”

Then we have reviewers such as The Dragon’s Cache (nice), who picked up on all kinds of throwaway world-building elements, which I find wonderful, ultimately declaring that “Price…decries our casual disregard for climate change, reminds us of the dangers of unrestrained commerce, and argues that risking our lives to stamp out cruelty can be a noble cause.

Another fun one is Pagefarer, who sums up what we’re all thinking by writing, “It’s a great book. It’s tightly written, full of believable and three-dimensional characters, and the worldbuilding is excellent.

Also, a special shoutout to….this cool guy for describing the novel as follows: “it's like Gibson and Stephenson had a brainchild and it's all chromed up in neon and existential dread.” Very nice indeed.

ELSEWHERE…

I wrote a short article for the website of Hugo and Nebula Award-winning author Mary Robinette Kowal about my favourite aspect of Pacific State. This is my second appearance on the site, with my first entry waxing lyrical on the use of flashbacks in everyone’s plucky post-apoc champ, By the Feet of Men. This time around, I’m in a more linguistic mood as I discuss a shorthand, corporate-only language I conceived for the novel called Whicolla. As always, I tie it into the climate crisis, because we’re still sleepwalking to our collective doom.

Read the full article right here.

The quiet art of the and…and…and sentence

You know when you’re reading a novel and the protagonist pours himself a glass of wine and the liquid is dark, heavy and inviting, but when he brings the glass to his lips his fingers tremble and the glass slips from his grasp and falls to the floor and the wine soaks into the carpet and he weeps? That’s the and…and…and sentence right there, unfurling for as long as the author has the nerve to keep adding to it.

The and…and…and sentence is a tricky beast. When used without thinking, a piece of writing can come across as amateurish, the author unimaginative, the sentences (like the one above) reaching for a gravitas that simply isn’t there. In the right hands applying the right touch, though, it can elevate a passage, making it urgent, poetic, desperate, despondent or something else entirely. So what’s the secret behind using it properly?

Be sparing

When you find a writing crutch, it can be tempting to lean on it for all it’s worth. The problem is that if you rely on and…and…and too much, you run the risk of diluting its impact. For an example of this, see the Jack Kerouac novel Big Sur, which contains entire chapters linked only by ellipses, run-on sentences and and…and…and. It’s a bit much.

In his short novel Old Man, William Faulkner uses it only when his protagonist, a convict, is in mortal peril:

And he saw the machine gun, the blunt thick muzzle slant and drop the probe toward him and he still screaming in his hoarse crow’s voice, “I want to surrender! Cant you hear me?” continuing to scream even as he whirled and plunged splashing, ducking, went completely under and heard the bullets going thuck-thuck-thuck on the water above him and he scrabbling still on the bottom.’

In this passage, the relentless pace of the ‘ands’ is used to demonstrate that events are moving well beyond the convict’s control. With each additional element, Faulkner reduces the convict from a man with a voice to an animal scrabbling in the dirt for survival. In actual fact, this isn’t a million miles away from a passage Kerouac might write. The difference is that Faulkner doesn’t return to and…and…and again until many chapters later when the convict is about to lose control once more — this time due to his new home being forcefully taken from him. The construction appears only sparingly, so when we do find a sentence containing it, we know things are about to move up a gear.

Use monosyllabic words

When building an and…and…and sentence, it’s a good idea to keep your vocabulary choice relatively simple so the reader doesn’t lose the thread. One writer who was famous for doing this was Mr Hemingway. In the opening 126 words to A Farewell to Arms, he uses ‘and’ a total of 14 times; only a single word, ‘afterward’, is more than two syllables in length. Here’s a slightly less well-known passage of his, taken from ‘The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber’:

‘They drew up close and he could see the plunging hugeness of the bull, and the dust in his sparsely haired hide, the wide boss of horn, and his outstretched, wide-nostrilled muzzle, and he was raising his rifle when Wilson shouted, ‘Not from the car, you fool’ and he had no fear, only hatred of Wilson, while the brakes clamped on and the car skidded, and Wilson was out on one side and he on the other, and then he was shooting at the bull as he moved away.’

This is actually only part of the sentence; in its entirety it’s more than half a page long. What’s immediately noticeable here is how monosyllabic the words around the ‘ands’ are. It creates a staccato effect that drives the reader on, urging them to follow the sentence to its conclusion. Despite its length, the entire passage remains clear, comprehensible: Macomber is hunting an animal with a man named Wilson. The reader knows exactly where they are in the sentence at any time; they don’t have to grapple with complex terminology or florid prose, nor are they waylaid by lengthy relative clauses. They are right there in the car next to Macomber, feeling his fear and exhilaration as he closes in on the kill.

Keep some distance between each clause

The more you let the individual clauses breathe, the less likely the reader will notice you’re using and….and…and, and the more they’ll become lost in the sentence as a whole as it flows down the page. John Steinbeck often uses this tactic in The Grapes of Wrath to rail against social injustice:

And a homeless hungry man, driving the roads with his wife beside him and his thin children in the back seat, could look at the fallow fields which might produce food but not profit, and that man could know how a fallow field is a sin and the unused land is a crime against the thin children.’

Here, the sentence starts with an ‘and’, and contains three clauses in total. The first clause is by far the longest at 34 words, while the second is 12 words and the third 11. Steinbeck front-loads the sentence, setting out his hypothetical scenario, before dialling it back with each subsequent clause as he drives home his point. The effect is hard-hitting without being preachy or repetitive, and a relatively complex argument on economic gain vs. morality is summed up in a single sentence thanks to his use of and…and…and.

Of course, there are always exceptions to maintaining distance. Here is one:

‘The boy was stumbling he was so tired and the man picked him up and swung him onto his shoulders and they went on.’

No prizes for guessing this is Cormac McCarthy. His prose consists primarily of brief, blunt, yet poetic sentences that are either left to stand alone or that are linked together with and…and…and. The sentence above reads almost like a telegram, yet it reveals much about the two characters. There is the boy, who, despite having endured so many horrors in his short life and been forced to grow up quickly, is still the same as any other child — when he’s tired, he wants his father to carry him. And there is the man, who takes every obstacle in stride and keeps going because he has to. The way McCarthy avoids breaking the sentence up into four separate ones enables him to convey a sense of fatigue, desperation and persistence, all in one.

It’s quite the challenge to try to use and…and…and without coming across as either derivative or clumsy. Then again: if you don’t try you’ll never manage it.

(Note: I couldn’t find any examples of women writers using ‘and…and...and’. I thought of Lucia Berlin or Lydia Davis, but their sentences rarely grow so long. Maybe, based on the examples above, it’s a white guy thing).

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